Observed arrival · 2026-11-13
FAUX-MART: Products You Cannot Buy
A deadpan catalog of imaginary products, written with the full confidence of a shopping channel.
○Open
⊠Login
$Paid
†Ads
✦Pretty
●Pro
◎Niche
◉Human
⚑Risk
ƒJS
- For
- Readers of deadpan fake-product catalogs
- Worth noticing
- Rick, the Emotional Support Brick, becomes a “weighted blanket” by placement alone—and the site says plainly that he does not transform.
Field notes
The listings borrow familiar shopping-page devices—limited-time language, mock prices, feature lists, and “But wait, there’s more”—then undercut them with blunt disclaimers. The beet vial comes with instructions to wear sunglasses and tell people at the gym you’re “on a beet stack”; its copy also cautions, “Do not inject vegetables.”
Observed signals
Read the marks
Editorial observations of this landing page, not a rating.
○OpenPublic substance visible
✦PrettyNotable craft visible
●ProPolished or operationally mature
◎NicheUnusually specific use
One card from the complete issue